Pat Nevin at the Job Centre
by Julian Colton
Pat Nevin is working at the Job Centre.
Honest to God, it’s him.
Not the young Guardian reading Pat
Who wore long black postmodern coats and liked the Cocteau Twins
The existential King’s Road Chelsea Pat
Mullet hair slipped shyly over his eyes Pat
This is post-Motherwell management bitterness Pat
More like Werther’s Original sucking Pat
Natty grey wool cardigan and silver rimmed spectacles
Bald patch hair now slightly combed over Pat
Sitting at a desk his hand on reddened face
Considering his next disillusioned analysis:
What an absolutely shocking application
Is he having a laugh?
Diabolical spelling. Such weak references.
He’ll need to buck his ideas up
Marshall his supporting arguments better than that
Or be shipped out. Mark my words
The job market is nothing like it was in the eighties
You can’t wear those tight wee shorts
Tackle from behind during an interview these days
Or sit at home with your finger up your arse
This is the job seeking Premier League.