Northwords Now Issue 37

The FREE literary magazine of the North

Pat Nevin at the Job Centre

by Julian Colton

Pat Nevin is working at the Job Centre.
Honest to God, it’s him.

Not the young Guardian reading Pat
Who wore long black postmodern coats and liked the Cocteau Twins

The existential King’s Road Chelsea Pat
Mullet hair slipped shyly over his eyes Pat

This is post-Motherwell management bitterness Pat
More like Werther’s Original sucking Pat

Natty grey wool cardigan and silver rimmed spectacles
Bald patch hair now slightly combed over Pat

Sitting at a desk his hand on reddened face
Considering his next disillusioned analysis:

What an absolutely shocking application
Is he having a laugh?
Diabolical spelling. Such weak references.
He’ll need to buck his ideas up
Marshall his supporting arguments better than that
Or be shipped out. Mark my words

The job market is nothing like it was in the eighties
You can’t wear those tight wee shorts
Tackle from behind during an interview these days
Or sit at home with your finger up your arse
This is the job seeking Premier League.

It’s
     A
       Totally
                 Different
                              Ball game
                                              Entirely.